fuck, FUCK why am i never satisfied?

i had no guys interested in me and now i have three and they are all so NICE but thats whats wrong.... living in IV, i'm only attracted to fucking mean guys now. Guys who treat my like shit. If you don't treat me like shit I will slowly ice you out.

FUCK I am so fucked up. I feel like I'm just floating through everything and I'm gonna miss college so much but at the same time, here in the now, all i can think about is how i am SO grateful that I'm going home in just 2.5 short days.

I can't get a fucking job, I can't get a guy I'm interested in, and I am always broke lately. It makes me wanna scream but I'm trying to not be crazy.

i want to hurt, i want to feel pain because right now i feel numb and that's what is worst. can i get a tattoo now? can i cut into my skin? can i have sex with someone that doesnt give a shit about me? no? then i guess i'll just sleep.

It's not as bad as you think but worse than you thought.

This is the view from my apartment stairs sometimes.


no big deal.

Never mind that i have hundreds racked up on my credit card right now..


[unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, this is sold out in my size]






[this one is SO cute on. Damn dress, why you gotta be $100?]


dis one is gonna sell out before i get a chance to ponder it. :/

Obama's ad was very well done. My heart swells up when I watch him. I believe him, even though my family (although supporters) constantly remind me that he's a politician and all politicians are big talk. I'm scared he'll be just talk but what I'm far more scared of is that our nation won't get the chance to see if he walks the walk.

Come this Tuesday I am going to anxiously sit myself in front of the television and hopefully watch history be made (after voting of course). I am so excited yet so terrified at the same time. I remember all the way back in August of 2007 I watched Obama in person and knew he was the candidate for me. I was so excited that the upcoming election would finally mean I was of age to vote. The election seemed like forever away...

Yet here it is. I am ready. I hope the nation is finally ready. He gives me hope, which is no easy task and I'm not letting go of that.

A liability for the republican party and an A+ choice for the democrats! Seriously, I lol at McCain picking Palin.
Let's discuss some interesting things, shall we? A brief run down on what's in the news/known about Ms. Sarah Palin lately.

1. McCain met her a total of 2 times, including when he asked her to be V.P.
2. Her daughter is 17 & 5 mos. pregnant. This shouldn't matter, and it doesn't, except Palin firmly supports abstinence only legislation. And her own daughter doesn't practice abstinence. Why does Palin think its okay to not educate teenagers? All the teenagers that get knocked up may not have the supportive & financially stable family that Bristol Palin does. It shows a definite flaw.
3. Palin's husband was a member of the Alaska Independence Party... A party that is interested in Alaska seceding from the united states. Uh, what?
4. Palin supports all anti-gay marriage legislation.
5. Palin supports drilling for oil in Alaska. THATS YOUR OWN HOMELAND. WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
6. Palin thinks global warming is not caused by humans. Enough said. What kind of ignorance is needed nowadays for people to still believe that we are not profoundly harming our environment?
7. Palin is strictly anti abortion, even in cases of rape and incest. That's rare, even for the majority of pro-lifers. How could you tell a daughter raped by her father that she must have that baby? Blah. Bad.

and finally, something funny that has nothing to do with the election but just for kicks:
At age 24 Sarah Palin eloped with her husband and 8 months later gave birth. Shotgun wedding?

Anyways, I think McCain's choice demonstrates his lack of logic and rash decision making - something we do NOT need in a president. She's a terrible choice, to the point of hilarity.
What's NOT hilarious is that if the same fucking idiots that elected Bush for the 2nd time somehow elect McCain and he very well might keel over in office and we are left with PALIN AS OUR PRESIDENT?
Well.. No. I dont even want to think about that.

I really cannot even understand how any American is still socially conservative with regards to politics. I can't fathom it.

oh yeah, cinco de mayo..
If Sean and I had stayed together.... It would have been our two year.

It is weird how time changes everything. Everything.

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.
Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

instead of that bullshit, how about:

if a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
if a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
if a woman is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
if a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
if a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
if a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
if a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
if a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
if a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.

if a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
if your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
if your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.
if you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
if your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.

if your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
if your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.

tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.

don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.


If you agree, repost it. It's that important.

today, stumbling back to my dorms from class at 10 am (way too early for me), I grabbed my school's newspaper like I always do..
and on the front page another person was added to our big music concert, called Extravaganza..
Mickey Avalon was already announced to play but guess who else got announced..
guess.
guess.
ok ill tell you

T.I. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my husband!
I AM SO EXCITED.
Ben Kweller & Suburban Legends are also playing :) kinda more excited for T.I. though haha my faaaaaaaaaaaavorite rapper ever

and..
ITS FREE.
god sometimes i love my school

went shopping/meandering around San Fran today.
Got this:

It's fucking hot, trust me.

I really want this:


and that.
Both smell heavenly. I sprayed Miss Dior Cherie into my bag onto my new shirt and Dasha thought I was trying to steal it hahaha.

Not much else to say. Excited to get my hair did on friday, it needs it.
Oh, but yeah... I took 18 fucking units this quarter, worked 12 hours a week, and I came out with a 3.65 GPA. fuck yes. I win.

For the lazy who want to make money:
A while ago I found out about this search engine that's like google but everytime you search, you can win a prize.
It sounds totally fake but it's not.
It could be a huge prize, or most likely it'll be small.. an itunes gift certificate, an amazon gift certificate, movie tickets.
And someone wins every few minutes just by searching.

they dont send you spam (omg i hate spam emails)
and it's legit.
so please sign up using my link :) http://www.blingo.com/friends?ref=hiVbFmOcZ_dMmlKv0SUiuzA8QaU

then invite your friends too. It's exciting to me, I use it everyday hoping to win haha.

Also if you want, sign up for cashcrate. You do surveys and sign up for silly little things (just make a free email you won't use, like a yahoo one, so it doesn't matter if it gets filled up with spam) and you get money at the end of about a month. I did it this summer and I actually got a check for $21 that was legit, I cashed it and everything.
http://www.cashcrate.com/index.php?ref=71595

The end (: